Recently, I have found myself to be in constant communication with God. It has been an interesting dynamic coming back from Christmas break. So many questions arising…When do you leave the UK? What are you going to do in Namibia? How are you feeling about leaving? What are you going to do when you get back to the states? And the questions keep on going.
Honestly, the questions I believe can challenge me and also make me start to wonder what I am suppose to be doing with my life. Of course, it is great to ask questions. It is good to seek and discover what God’s plan is for each one of us. I find though that through the discover of the answers to the questions my unspoken expectations have surfaced.
I have found that I had the attitude that after 8 months of this internship I would then go back to “normal” life. I then heard so clear the question, “What is a normal life?”
Well, normal life is me going back to America. I will find a full time job, with benefits, get financially stable, get married, and start my family. Yes, that is a normal life. Please let me go ahead and have the disclaimer now that if you are in the stage of life to where this does describe your life please know I am not saying these are bad things. They are good things! I have recently just realized that when we take good things (like family and job) and put them in a position of “this will make my life better or more complete”. I would say it is a dangerous place because that is what is called idolization.
I recently was out to dinner with a couple of my team mates Cara and Michael. We talked about how our culture tells us we need to have these good things in order to have security, in order to be an adult, in order to____________. I listened very carefully to the conversation only to find myself asking, “who told you that this is what makes you secure or an adult or established? The answer that we all concluded to was the culture. That is where I began to stop and say why am I allowing for the culture of this world to define my identity? If you are creating an identity for the world just know there is someone out there criticizing that identity.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
I recently heard a sermon about Identity and the pastor said ” Who you are determines what you do.” This is such truth. Truth impacts our identity. As Paul stated in Romans what ever you accept as truth you begin to worship and serve.
” They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.”
In this revelation of my identity, I am seeing how my Identity needs to be in Christ and not in myself. I heard a quote from Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill, “These things may explain you but they do not define you.”
I know that I have been challenged with this provoking statement
(are you saying this to God ?)
“God, I want my idol be a good god and give me my idol.”
Idols are when we take good things and replace their worth as “God worth”.
Husband, Full time job, house, children, financial security, etc. are all good things, but the moment I start to take one of those things and try squeeze out of it the God-like needs, my soul is incredibly hungry for, is when I take these good things and transform them into idols. Because of my sin, I am capable of turning good things into idols. That is why I need the blood of Jesus Christ covering my everyday because through Him, I can receive the revelation from God through communion about what my Identity is. It is not something to be obtained but something that is given to me.
So what am I doing after Serve? I don’t know the details, but I know that it includes courageous humility.